Honesty: What is honesty? Is it telling someone the truth or is it telling them the truth they need to hear? The problem with speaking the unvarnished, pure truth is we run the risk of hurting an individual or showing them something they weren’t ready to see. Most people aren’t afraid of the truth but at the same time they might not be in the right state of mind to deal with what their senses are telling them.
If that’s the case when will they be ready and is silence the best course of action? There is always the option to verbalise or show a person only the “necessary” truth; the parts of it they can handle. Some say a half truth is a lie – me being one of them. In the end, leaving truth up to interpretation means someone is always lying. There is no truth in interpretation whether it be embellished or understated.
On that premise that would imply our entire existence is a lie (that’s a topic for another time) because everything we see, hear or do has to be defined. That definition, if not given on proper authority, will always lose a bit of its legitimacy. The question of what or who is “proper authority” then comes into play. When someone is accused of telling a lie the issue doesn’t seem to be interpretation but a lack of universal standard(s) to base that understanding on. My standard for truth and your standard for truth don’t align. This leaves room for offense to be taken unwittingly. Instead of doing a positive thing by omitting or including we cause more damage than foreseen.
Without going too deeply into the issue, what I propose is for the standard of honesty to be facts. There is a collective weight and measure for that. There is nothing to calibrate or change. After two people get to know each other they know how much of that realness the other can tolerate and adjust the balance accordingly. By the time that balance is figured out you’ve established yourself as an honest person. They’ve also learned that your actions are made with the best of intentions. Now there’s trust in your communication allowing genuineness to pass easily between you. Now you will hear the truth you need to hear without a feeling of deceit until the pure truth can be comfortably talked about.
Disclaimer: This topic has a lot more nuances than I covered but I’m not an essayist. I only write what I write to provoke questions not to try and provide answers.